poem for Nan
you were tall and strong like an amazon.
long runner’s legs
hands rough and calloused.
and your hair, pulling on it when I fucked you
you could out-hike most of the crew
and you looked good covered in ash and dirt.
pool games at the Timberline
you liked your vodka and beer, lots of beer
and me thinking of all those men you chose me.
days and weeks without touching you
listening to the guys talk
r&rs in Chico
poison oak and rubbing lotion into your legs
the woman we shared your roommate
end of fire season, roadtripping back east
desert hot springs at night,
hikes in Utah, Bryce Canyon in the snow
and the fights
and goodbye in Rochester
and goodbye in Chicago
and goodbye in Minneapolis
finally on the phone I asked
and you said yes
the whole summer with him too
I slammed the receiver down
tried to push you out of my life
but you are strong
without even trying
or wanting to try