Teaching Philosophy

This appeared in the semi-academic journal Writing On The Edge: On Writing and Teaching Writing, Volume 26, Number 1, Fall 2015.

Teaching Philosophy

what am I doing here?

this interview-slash-teaching demo

in a dress shirt

tie (ack!)

and shoes

my hair pulled back in a ponytail

(at least my tattoos aren't visible)

the dancing monkey

before

and for

the Committee

how did I even make it this far

to the final ten or twelve?

they want a rhetorician

but I'm not even a sophist—

worse—

a poet

they want me to pretend to profess

to talk a lot about comp theory

when in my classes

I don't talk hardly at all—

just to get things going

to ask questions

to show my students that asking questions

is ok

being curious the best way to learn—

the only way

the Committee

wants to know

if I'll be active on committees

in addition to teaching five classes a week

and grading five classes' worth of essays

on my weekends

so I lie and say yes

that I would love that opportunity

the Committee wants

to know

if I am willing to teach so-called

developmental writing students—

as if that were a punishment

or a burden—

before passing upward

to teaching 'argumentative' essays

and being able to spot misplaced periods in students' Works Cited pages

and I don't have to lie on that one

though I don't tell them that

my developmental students write poetry

every class

and actually know what it is

to enjoy writing

what am I doing here?

I should be in a fire lookout tower

on a mountain

in the desert

barefoot

and watching the sun set

picking my nose

but I do enjoy teaching

I do enjoy being in the classroom

watching writing happen

watching students gain confidence

it's just that the Committee

wants to know

what I think teaching is

or rather

wants to know

that what I think teaching is

is what they think teaching is

and I just don't know—

teaching seems to me being a guide

providing a welcome community

where people can sit down and write

and write some more

and revise

and maybe revise again

because writing is a process

not a thing you do the night before something is due

and not a thing

where you start with a thesis statement

and an outline

and bullshit from there

but what do I know?

I still think college is a place one goes

to become a better person

and even most of my students

would laugh at that

and say it's to get a job

and with no middle class jobs anywhere—

and no middle class—

who can blame them?

and who can blame the Committee

for wanting to go along with the business model

for school

except—

I can

I can blame them—

won't do any good

but casting blame feels good

everyone knows that

so I don't know

what am I doing here?

I should be hiking in the Grand Canyon

or just sitting in a café

in Portland

sipping green tea

and watching the women in black tights

and writing