"Cerro Pelado Blues" appeared in SOUTH DAKOTA REVIEW. Winter 2019. Issue 54.2. Here in its entirety. Order the print journal here.
Cerro Pelado Blues
Chorus I
Big dark thunderstorm extreme
weather came thru
Virgin Mesa + Redondo tracking east over Caldera
to Española + Sangre de Cristos toward Barb
way over in Pecos in Barillas Lookout
She called + invited me over to visit when I want
working on a book for Forest Service on history of lookouts
knows Tripod + Aztec + Cerro Pelado too
this morning woke in a cloud socked in + cold
lightning off + on all day but with rain + hail
maybe when things dry out some smokes will pop
but already another unusual season here so wet
normally would be dry + windy tho windy
now sun setting behind the Sierra de Nacamiento + clouds
lights down in the valleys twinkling on in Jemez Springs
Albuquerque + Santa Fe + the I-25 strip
thinking about poor Schopenhauer + his gloom except he's right
except I guess when things go wrong we at least know we're alone
small consolation but a least when we do something
it's because of who we are which sounds destined
but I guess is a form of higher freedom
since who we are causes our destiny therefore we choose it
except Shope seems to think only one outcome possible
in any situation because who we are there must be only one
but who we are seems to be could determine multiple outcomes
so I think not giving us enough credit but I'm not sure I care
though not caring might be choosing illusion + not reality
i.e. letting the cat be killed so put a shoe on yr head
Chorus II
Everything needs to be tied down + fastened + battened
+ secured in a lookout tower otherwise you get
rattling + ringing + moaning in yr world + in yr mind
like the time the zen sensei took me aside in the zendo
+ told me not to wobble while meditating
because if the body wobbles the mind wobbles
+ so the mind rattles + rings + moans in this wind
and you need to take care of feet + hands that dry out
a little Queen Helene cocoa butter does the truco
even when rain + hail come in in big dark nubes
and you gotta watch the rock squirrels + mice + chipmunks
little fuckers will climb up in yr car and nest in the vents
one time driving down from Aztec to Glob a mouse climbed out the hood
clinging to the windshield wipers at 70 miles per hour
+ later in Salem during an oil change the guy found a big nest
right on the air filter so I'd been breathing mouse piss all winter
everything must be if not tidy at least under control
like the mind + body which is what meditation teaches
your fire lookout tower is after all a taoist temple
because we're a little too crazy to be zennonites
those people don't have a sense of humor at all mon frère
we're all just a bunch of skin bags to them meaning ugly
meaning they have body issues + the world sucks
just like Schopenhauer and even tho they're right
the world kinda doesn't suck we just notice when it does
but all these moments of beauty + even just contentment
they happen they exist + we are beautiful
our imperfections are what make us beautiful
Chorus III
Because zen monks are very proud of their shaved
heads
Because reincarnation is just as unbelievable
as God
Because Japan is very far away
As are China + India + Tibet
Not to mention Jerusalem and Rome
Because the weekly dharma talk is the least useful
yet most attended
and because you conveniently don't have to sit as long
Because sitting is good
Because sitting at 4:30 in the morning brings neither
more nor less
Because chanting is kind of silly
Especially multi-syllabic translations of monosyllabic
texts
But because any group of people coming to sit
quietly is better than any church or anything
Because sitting alone you start to worry if you left the stove on
Better to sit + watch Game of Thrones + eat Doritos +
tweet w/friends
Because sitting still w/one's thoughts could lead to something
or not
+ either/or that's dangerous
sitting still
still sitting
still
Chorus IV
People ask don't you get lonely up there
but I only ever get lonely when I go down into Santa Fe
around people but separate
w/only polite conversation w/baristas and bank tellers
which is why I always fall in love with baristas and bank tellers
tho sometimes loneliness follows me up to my tower
and a day or two is necessary to purge myself
with mountain air and milky stars
playing a blues or two on the guitar
up in the blue sky picking my nose
reading imperfect but perfect B. Traven novels
seeking smoke and fire or nothing at all
Chorus V
The Dry Line is where
moist air coming up from the Gulf
collides with dry southwest air
anywhere from Amarillo to Santa Fe
and causes rain + hail + tornadoes
+ why sometimes the wind comes out of the southeast here
whereas in Arizona at Aztec it always came from the southwest
+ so even w/a drying trend predicted next 10 days
out east past Pecos + Barb in Barillas LO
a huge thundercloud burbles w/lighting
+ could maybe form over here
w/high cirrus clouds coming from south
signals some kind of moisture mañana or day after
or not up here at 10,000 it's all cold + windy
even w/the sun shining directly through the windows
setting now + I'll have to throw on a hoodie
and the full moon rising in the east
will do the same later tonight for me + the wolf
I think I kept hearing tho sometimes it's a coyote
but one night it howled like a wolf
which I wonder has come up from the Gila
+ even if coyote welcome up here if nowhere else
but what I want you to consider is this:
to be aware of the Dry Line within yourself
changing location + storming + raging
not that you can suppress it or would want to
but to be aware of those currents within
Chorus VI
spotted two smokes today from lighting days passed
or even the lighting from last night
w/moment of John Henry satisfaction that air attack
at least didn't spot one of them
+ spent all day guiding firefighters in
when all along a big rain system built over Albuquerque
+ moved north dousing the whole forest
'firefighting activity hampered by rain'
may not last the night tho both put in monitor status
i.e. let'em burn a little + clean up the underbrush
which everyone wants to do more of just not in their backyards
but more lightning with this cell so may do same mañana
watching wall of water + electricity move north
jagged glows in grey mist
looking down on rain from here or across
learning the clouds—cirrus on up high w/cirrus streaks
cumulus midrange from fair weather to cumulonimbus
stratus the low level flat game over for fire season
along w/mammatus cloudbreasts about to rain
+ lenticular meaning high winds over mountains
locked in my self-love shack reading about sexual perversions
+ discovering myself + a lot of other people too
a sizable minority in a majority that sets the morals
so glad to be up in the cloud socked-in
nothing to see nothing to say really except
some Whitman-like hello to the future
the human world goes on if you step outside it
+ it doesn't matter when + if you come back in
no one cares + it saves you a headache
Chorus VII
at sunset after the yellow orange pink red
far mountains turn blue
and clouds turn blue
and rain even rain that never reaches the ground
flashes of lightning in the blue
+ I curl in my blue sleeping bag
blue sky + light blue stars
still in the blues listening to the wind
even the smoke from fires turns blue
at the end of summer letting them burn
like we all should let our fires burn
unless they could really hurt somebody
but if in the wilderness of the heart
let them go and burn in the night
someone will see them + think them beautiful
and you may see their fires
+ tho you may not believe me all fires are beautiful
even dangerous ones especially the dangerous ones
fire has a purpose in the world
it keeps the wild healthy
+ cleans up the dead stuff in the forest of yr heart
but I'm just melancholy sad to have to leave Bald Mountain
having spent many nights up here in the wind + rain
lightning storms off to the west
lights of Albuquerque + Santa Fe where normal people are
I feel the moth tug to be with them + their lights
but I want to stay + fly to the moon too
or into a fire
Chorus VIII
time to burn
burning time
after weeks of rain + lightning
Virgin Mesa Fire
all the firefighters that haven't headed north to other fires
fire time
fire is time
over time
beyond time
rock squirrels are time
flying stars are time
riding mountains into deserts is time
just like Dogen's time to ride mountains in deserts
so fast you can't see
or it's all bullshit anyways
just as there is not bullshit
and no not bullshit
but fire
+ time
+ hummingbird blossoms
and a combi to dig out the mudholes off the road
so cows in time won't have waterholes in time
+ wind in time
time wind
time to put on a coat on the catwalk
tune out the radio
time to put fire on the ground
Chorus IX
even if/tho bell hooks is right
+ love is a choice
you can still be wrong if you go looking for fire
all the fires I've ever seen were w/my naked eye
my naked plum blossom eye
it's when you go looking for fire that you fool yourself
get fooled by shadows + waterdogs
use technology like binoculars + online dating services
you have to let fire come
enjoy the lightning show in the meantime
(+ no fires may come at all
in which case you head down the hill on Wednesday
like a fool into Santa Fe
for books + groceries + hot yoga
feeling like you're in a Tarot card)
then of course the decision:
put it out or let it burn
or even help it burn
put fire on the ground
pull back + watch it
or there is not fire
no time
or all the time in the world
fire time
fire in time
or there is not love
or all the love in the world
Chorus X
many nights on Bald Mountain
many ghosts
but ghosts are just ghosts
you sit with them
they appear + disappear
up to you how you react
or you could just simply invite them in for tea
morrocan mint or jasmine pearls
I like my tea green like my men
the most difficult thing about sitting up here
is feeling the mountain move
southwest into the desert
+ the sound
the nothing
the space in the symphony makes the music
the space in the head
+ even in August there are fires
small and may fizzle
but important to know they're there
hold onto your fires
sit with them
they don't even leave like ghosts
but you don't want them to
+ for that I'm a zen heretic
zen women don't stop wearing sexy underwear
but you don't want them to
even if far away
even if ghosts
Chorus XI
freak on the peak ok
I end this summer like I began
w/my head in the clouds
socked in
all I need now are some bagpipes
aspen turning gold
grouse clucking around the tower
elk bugles
or men pretending to be elk in heat
and I still love the idea
of men bugling in heat to each other
thinking the other a stag or stud
men out in the woods exploring their true natures
not that there's anything wrong with anything except denial
but when I say I like solitude
it doesn't mean I like solitude
it just means I like solitude
+ enlightenment isn't sudden it's a process
+ a bullshit western term anyways
like emptiness instead of maybe space
tho that conjures visions of sci-fi adventure
even if zen could be called Lost In Space
I always liked the younger daughter w/dark hair
+ wondered if she'd try + hook up w/her sister's bf
+ how that would go down in space
plus those gloves that could squeeze water out of rocks
Chorus XII
all the Johns that accompanied me on my moving mountain:
Johann Sebastian, Johnny Cash, John Lennon, John Coltrane
all the afternoons singing to the grouse and cows
coyotes singing at night + playing in the meadow sometimes
the wolf I swear I heard back in April or May
or do we hear what we want to hear
cloud lightning silent in the wind a flash
but no—thunder even this cold
they're filming a western or firefighting movie down in Santa Fe
I've called in their smoke twice they've changed locations
one lightningstruck tree still north near Deadman
+ lightning in the Rio Grande Valley high desert
wanting one more fire before I go for closure
+ to prove I'm useful still
make up for all the false alarms I called in
even tho firefighters don't care they'd rather be out in the woods
sunset summer another miracle I'm here I'm alive
to see heaven every day in solitude
I'm not Wordsworth I don't need a companion
tho if my sister were here we could make guacamole
watch the storm + fading light + talk Michigan
so damn you Wordsworth maybe you're right
but it's beautiful anyways it's beautiful because I'm alone
being alone is beautiful I wish you'd let yrself be it
I wish you'd let yrself get out of town
drive + get out of yr car + walk
