New short story at HST!

A new short story of mine now up at HorrorSleazeTrash! I'm not giving the title here so as to avoid all the Russian porn addicts coming to my blog. Warning: the HST site is NSFW, though the content, and my story, is harmless and I hope fun. Enjoy!

Question!

Originally appeared in the Huron River Review in 2011.

Question!

What are you doing here?

Do you want some coffee?

Are you alone?

Are you from Michigan originally?

How many cats do you own?

Are you worthy?

What time does the bus come?

Do you like vanilla scones?

Do you like pictures of naked women?

Is it ok if I call you dude?

How long have you had those jeans?

Why don’t you meditate?

Can you see the moon from where you’re standing?

Do you know where my keys were?

Why did you kiss that person?

Is it something you regret?

Terribly?

Have you ever touched a dolphin?

What does Hong Kong smell like?

How old are you really?

In dog years?

Do you speak dog?

What kind of tattoo do you secretly want?

If vampires were real, would you?

What’s the ancient Greek word for girlfriend?

Hot or mold?

On a scale of one to ten, ten being extremely curious, how annoying are blimps to you?

Which of the three Fates accurately describes you?

Who would win, a shark, or Plato?

What is your CB handle?

What is your secret email name, the one you use for answering online singles ads?

How often will we run into each other at glory holes?

¿Dónde está el baño?

Can I have a glass of water with no ice please?

Can I avoid talking to the homeless guy?

Can I afford not to?

Can you find any salmon in this river?

Can you find the shark?

Can you still bet on Plato?

Why would you say a dog has no Buddha nature?

Do you have something against dogs?

Why do you distinguish between light and dork?

Do you not have something against distinguishing?

Do you think pantyhose are sexy?

How can I stop?

Would you like some ice-cream?

Would you like some salmon?

Would you like a shark?

Would your vampire like a shark?

Would your dog like a CB handle?

Are the vanilla scones terribly alone?

Is it ok if your cats see the moon?

In dog years?

What time does your tattoo annoy your ancient Greek girlfriend?

¿Dónde están los online singles ads with no ice?

How often will the Fates be mild?

How often hot?

Why did you kiss that person?

That person?

That person?

Why don’t you meditate?

Haven’t you ever touched a dolphin in Hong Kong?

What are you still doing here?

Oh to be in Puerto Rico!—poem

My poem "Oh to be in Puerto Rico!" now up at Camel Saloon:

Muhammad in a bear suit

Note: Je suis Charlie

Muhammad in a bear suit

I

Muhammad in a bear suit

receiving the word of god

to a laugh-track

II

Muhammad in the desert

at night naked

on a dune

III

Muhammad with an AK-47

ready to kick some Western ass

IV

Muhammad perched like a gargoyle

surveying Gotham City

from a high building-top

V

Muhammad shooting Cthulu

with lightning from his hands

VI

Muhammad dying

just like a normal human being

VII

Muhammad having sex

doggie-style

(with a woman)

VII

Muhammad haggling over a gourd

VIII

On the still ocean surface

the only thing moving

was Muhammad walking

IX

The rain is falling

Muhammad must be praying

X

At night alone

Muhammad would wear his wife's headscarves

looking at himself in the mirror

XI

Muhammad vs. Chuck Norris

Who would win?

XII

Muhammad passing gas

in a mosque

silently but deadly

XIII

Knock knock

Who's there?

Muhammad

Muhammad who?

Orange you glad I didn't say Jesus?

The Oatmeal

I love The Oatmeal. Check out this new one, on running marathons. He nails it.

Click on the link to go there: