My Sidewalk Stage

My essay "My Sidewalk Stage" now up at [vol. 1 Brooklyn]. About my busking experiences in Ann Arbor:

https://vol1brooklyn.com/2023/03/29/my-sidewalk-stage/

Interview with me at Midwestern Gothic

Here's an interview with me at MIDWESTERN GOTHIC, a literary journal/website out of Ann Arbor, Michigan.

Zombies!

Originally appeared in NEW ERA #2 in Fall 2011:

Zombies!

Saturday Night I hate you

I don’t have a date and everyone else does except some of the other losers sitting in this cafe like me

We are all incapable of meeting and/or talking to each other

Saturday Night Bob Dylan is playing on the cafe stereo and I would love to be able to talk to someone about how he seems to be doing some of his best work now even though the radio stations will only play his stuff from the 60s and 70s

Oh Saturday Night I don’t think I can stay up for the midnight movie at the State Theatre even though I think it’s Evil Dead II and I’ve been obsessed with zombies all summer and the idea of zombie as metaphor for things such as AIDS or Iraq or otherness or even as a critique of consumer culture

Saturday Night what if zombies attacked right now?

We would all have to band together, barricade the windows and doors without getting pulled out and having our brains eaten, or worse, becoming infected and turning into zombies ourselves

Though I’m not sure we could barricade the windows successfully here they are huge

But at least we would be interacting

At least the cute barista with the nice ass would talk to me Saturday Night

Or the studious Asian woman in the corner

Or even the guy downloading internet porn onto his laptop

I download internet porn too sometimes, maybe we could be friends!

Oh Saturday Night I’ve refilled my green tea three times already

The teabag looks pretty ragged and I think I’m basically just sipping hot water now

Which is good Saturday Night because it’s cold in here

I’m cold Saturday Night and it’s not even winter yet

Saturday Night I’m scared to go home

The neighbors were already playing beer pong at two in the afternoon and blasting music so loud it was vibrating in my chest

Saturday Night I’m scared they’ll still be at it and I’ll have to call the cops but the cops won’t come or won’t do anything so I’ll lie there not being able to sleep while stupid drunk zombies have fun on a Saturday Night and I do not

Saturday Night I don’t want to be a stupid drunk zombie but sometimes that seems the easiest way

Saturday Night Saturday Night it just seems like if I were a stupid drunk zombie maybe I wouldn’t be so lonely and I might even get laid

Question!

Originally appeared in the Huron River Review in 2011.

Question!

What are you doing here?

Do you want some coffee?

Are you alone?

Are you from Michigan originally?

How many cats do you own?

Are you worthy?

What time does the bus come?

Do you like vanilla scones?

Do you like pictures of naked women?

Is it ok if I call you dude?

How long have you had those jeans?

Why don’t you meditate?

Can you see the moon from where you’re standing?

Do you know where my keys were?

Why did you kiss that person?

Is it something you regret?

Terribly?

Have you ever touched a dolphin?

What does Hong Kong smell like?

How old are you really?

In dog years?

Do you speak dog?

What kind of tattoo do you secretly want?

If vampires were real, would you?

What’s the ancient Greek word for girlfriend?

Hot or mold?

On a scale of one to ten, ten being extremely curious, how annoying are blimps to you?

Which of the three Fates accurately describes you?

Who would win, a shark, or Plato?

What is your CB handle?

What is your secret email name, the one you use for answering online singles ads?

How often will we run into each other at glory holes?

¿Dónde está el baño?

Can I have a glass of water with no ice please?

Can I avoid talking to the homeless guy?

Can I afford not to?

Can you find any salmon in this river?

Can you find the shark?

Can you still bet on Plato?

Why would you say a dog has no Buddha nature?

Do you have something against dogs?

Why do you distinguish between light and dork?

Do you not have something against distinguishing?

Do you think pantyhose are sexy?

How can I stop?

Would you like some ice-cream?

Would you like some salmon?

Would you like a shark?

Would your vampire like a shark?

Would your dog like a CB handle?

Are the vanilla scones terribly alone?

Is it ok if your cats see the moon?

In dog years?

What time does your tattoo annoy your ancient Greek girlfriend?

¿Dónde están los online singles ads with no ice?

How often will the Fates be mild?

How often hot?

Why did you kiss that person?

That person?

That person?

Why don’t you meditate?

Haven’t you ever touched a dolphin in Hong Kong?

What are you still doing here?